Dreams

the clock keeps removing time
lost among the weeks and days
lost among the rush of life
only to surprise us late one night
 
the sky paints the night dark gray
the clock continues to tick and tock
the day rolls by in a boxcar seat
each moment leaving behind a dream
 
dreams which never come true
dreams lost and wasted
the clock continues its annoying drum
ignoring the chaos created
 
taking a step back into time
allows for reexamination
the clock stops and silence falls
to permit a great reflection
 
sometimes dreams are what we chose
a curtain drawn in sleep
other times dreams partner with imagination
guiding us to follow that which we seek
 
as the clock starts to sound again
reality becomes clear
my dream to have a life worth living
is possible even with a mountain of fear
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I Am Still Here

years of pressure
build up inside
no light to see
no hope or drive
 
escaping deep
inside my head
excluding the world
to feel safe instead
 
I tried to run
but never could hide
so I injured my body
to soothe my mind
 
I didn’t understand
what was happening to me
I still don’t know
I’ll just let that be
 
looking at my battle scars and
remembering how life was
today a thought occurred to me
as I listened to my Pastor’s words

Jesus came to live with us
He knows how humans work
He showed us His unconditional Love
by being among us in the dirt
 
often when asked
“how are you doing today”
my popular response was
“I am here”
 
today I heard
and understood that
Yes!
I am still here!
 
‘still’ is just
one
additional word
but it creates a whole new meaning
 
‘still’
provides room for
Faith and Hope
and remembrance of His being
 
He walks with us
He walks in us
Yes
I am still here

Spinning Thoughts

spinning
spinning
spinning
around go my thoughts
 
I need to grab
just one
this continuous circus must
stop
 
I feel this chair
as I sit
I feel the floor
and tap on it
 
something is off
something isn’t right
I wish I could feel some emotion
instead there’s nothing but sight
 
am I real
or am I not
I can’t pinpoint it
with these crazy thoughts
 
these thoughts I have
won’t go away
maybe I can accept
that they are here today
 
let them become
background noise
this way I can pray
for peace and more
 
right now
I accept God’s peace
and can reflect it
with saying “Hey”
 
the return smile
from saying “Hi”
moves the noise back
behind the unbearable line

Filling the Cracks

our world is fallen
our lives are broken
but God is there
to fill the cracks
 
our earth is dying
we are responsible
but God is there
to inspire the impossible
 
we are at war
inside and out
but God is there
to create light within doubt
 
our hearts ache
we wound our Temples
but God is there
to walk with each mile
 
our world is fallen
our lives are broken
but God is there
as we seal the cracks

Answers?

What has changed
This past year was so different
What created this space
How did I handle all of it
 
There’s been frustrations and setbacks
There’s been anger and fear
Yet somehow through all of this
I am still here
 
No hospital visits required
No cutting or any self-harm
No retreating inside my head
Although the urges were there to act upon
 
What has changed
I’m different somehow
It seems to have started
After I left that town
 
I’m more aware now of His blessings
I see my world differently
There’s so much love and support
Which has helped me grow exponentially
 
I don’t need to know the answer
To how this change could be
All I need to know
Is that God is always beside me
 
He has placed me with a family
(a couple of families in fact)
Where grace and love are present
I don’t need more specifics than that
 
And with these gifts
I can give back
To all I encounter
To all that matters
 
Listen
Faith
Trust
Accept

I don't have all the answers and I am fine with that
 

A Year of Thanksgiving

How long is a year
It seems to fly by
What have I learned
What have I tried
 
I’ve begun to truly understand
The power of prayer
I’m never alone
Because He is always there
 
A major lesson
Which sticks in my head
Is the need to slow down
To take life in
 
The strength behind words
What they truly mean
Has brought me closer
To a more faithful being
 
Flexibility – like cooked spaghetti –
Is an on-going lesson
I’m learning to “kiss the gray”
And to change my reactions
   
Taking care of my body
Has become a life-style
To strengthen my Temple
Both inside and out
 
I pray this coming year
Will bring more insights
Not through “New Year’s Resolutions”
But with growth and a love of life

Labels???

Major Depression
What does that mean?
Locked in a cage?
Feeling unclean?

Anxiety Disorders
Why give them a name?
All that these labels uncover
Is that I am insane

Every category I fit into
white, female, 36 years in age…
Mean nothing to me
I’m still lost in the waves

This ocean consumes all of me
My heart and beliefs
Things keep running together
I keep searching for peace

A few years ago
I found a label that includes
I had forgotten the lessons
I learned as a youth

Christian – it’s a label
But with a whole different tune
It’s positive and poetic
Without blinding the truth

This is a label
I choose to accept
This is a label
I need to protect

Our society puts labels
On everything in life
Even on our food items
How am I to know what is right?

The only label I need is
“a child of God”
I’m not picky about which religion
Because in this label we all belong.